Winter Rank

Christmas break is around the corner again. New year parties, albeit beguiling with great promise, as usual, will be missed out on, yet again, by us R-fools who, so desperately, rush back so as to save up on an extra-form and a few hundred bucks! I can almost see those stars and bells hung on every other household's front balcony. 2009 has behaved well and deserves a pat on the back. Holiday FB activity, as you normally expect, is on a high. Blogs are overflowing, again. Then what's different, one may ask. Well, a few things to say the least.

For starters, its been a while since we have managed to retain the lead on the top of the table at the break. My fingers are crossed. More importantly, I'm still stuck here in R, wondering when I'll get back home, reunited with Rasam, Dosais and Appalam. This winter has started off weirdly, to put things lightly. Nevertheless, Winter remains my favourite season of the year, ever since I was introduced to the concept two years ago. Here are five things which never change - things I'll always love about winter.

(1) The Fog: It delays flights, alright. But its one of the things I look forward to. The sheet of white takes me all the way back to my Scooby Doo days. At the stroke of half-beyond-six, bro, I and a handful of munchables used to plonk ourselves in front of the Tele singing for 'Scooby Dooby Doo - Where Are You?' There were times when Shaggy would take out a knife and cut a hole in the fog. The great mist takes me back to those days!

(2) The Girls: While 'Kingfisher's Swimsuit Model of the Year' contest will have you disagree strongly with my opinion, I remain constant. Winter is the best time for Girl-watching. The fairer gender turn all the more fair and the glowing cheeks make the wait worthwhile. Well, some might try chastising me with a reminder about the place we dwell in. Well, all observations are relative and after all, the multiplexes are just a bus-ride away. Yes, Girls definitely make Winter worthwhile.

(3) The Baths: These are privileges which come at a premium, few and far between, but remain one of the glorious aspects of Winter. While the icy air looms ominously as a powerful impediment, the hot steaming water transports you to warmer climes. You splash yourself and lo! - the perfect combination of Yin and Yang; much like fried ice-cream! The best part, however, remains the smoke emanating from the pores of your epidermis - when you resemble a sizzling brownie.

(4) The Coffee: Caffeine is a killer. While most people intoxicated by the roasted beans strongly detest Tea, or vice versa, my preferences aren't that strong. Nevertheless, I've never for once thought that the gentle leaves of the slopes could ever match the zing of the power-packed berries of the coffee shrubs. And come Winter, it's effect becomes all the more profound. I would bear sub-zero just for the coffee!

(5) The Sleep: While it would be sacrilegious and profane to speak (4) and (5) in the same breath, such are the funny ways of Father Frost. The weight of a heavy blanket, a broken alarm clock and a cunningly cold Sunday morning can combine in ways which would put every other pleasure to shame! The sweet arms of Morpheus are never this kind!

Dispor(i)ted

Arun's status message on FB (paraphrased): "Our life is like a fraction; The numerator being what we are... And the denominator being what we want to be." Do your arithmetic.

My wing emptied itself out today, leaving Yours Truly as the sole company for dear ole Pink-punk. The cold wind blows through the hollow corridors as I find emptiness within...

While my neighbour pines for company, I must tell you I'm enjoying it. Simple astrology would tell you that it is but an expected trait of a Virgin, not because they are loners but because it gives time to reflect. To ponder. And it was during one of these bouts, in the afternoon, when I began to wonder about that 'Denominator', in my life. A rather disheartening picture crept up, with life tending to null and void. Feeling rather dispirited already, I walked out of S-7's safety into the open second-floor corridor... That was when it hit me. The reason why I was, all of a sudden, thinking about life as a fraction hit me hard. It was the same reason why my corridor is all but empty.

I am, generally, rather content with my routine, my achievements (whatever measly total they amount to) and my goals. But come December, I start feeling that vacuum again. Last year's Chennai and this year's Kanpur leave me estranged. The answer's cold hand slaps me across the face. This happens to be just the tip of a massive iceberg.

When I was in the fifth grade, I was introduced to the world of Classical music. I barely understood it then; I love it now, but without understanding. Then, in Standard Seven, I began to learn the keyboard and the 'Casio' entered my life. For three years it stayed; years when it would sing in harmony with my vocal chords. Incidentally, it was also Class VII when I began 'Tennis'. The coach liked me; 'vice-versa' not being applicable. Soon, I began Volleyball lessons in school. I wasn't nearly the best, but fast improving. I still boast of the one certificate I managed out of it in my résumé! I loved Cricket as a playing sport and I wouldn't be boasting if I said I was the best Batsman and Spinner within a few blocks' vicinity. Then.

It was when I began Volleyball, that I gave up on the tennis coaching. And then weirdly enough, I dropped Volleyball as it bored me! The Casio stopped singing to my fingers' dance almost in sync with my larynx's reluctance to produce melody. It was Standard X. Cricket lived on in my blood. Football grew on me. Then, I reached IITR. They both hit 'Pause'.

You realize the pain of failure when your denominator is so large. When you dream of doing great things, each setback is like a spear through the heart. Worse, however, is the pain of not being able to fail! Just because you gave up too early. I still can sketch brilliantly (can't say the same about painting) but I don't. I can sing. I don't. I could relearn the keyboard. I won't. Tennis exited my life early, though I'd have loved to go on. I almost made NSO with 'Volleyball'. I simply never visited the courts again! Life seems to have sapped me of Cricket. It all seems late now. I have a long way to go in order to become finite once more. All I do is crib. And write.

Lumos!

Often have I wondered what makes one afraid of something. What is it which tells us what is worth being frightened of and what isn't? What makes us fear those heights when we peer down a 20 floor chasm from the top of a building, even when we are completely sure of being in control of ourselves? Why, albeit thoroughly convinced by science and its gospels, one can still not conclusively rule out Spirits... And why on earth would one fear a well grown cockroach?!

While snakes and tigers make reasonably fear-worthy animals, why should one be afraid of a harmless rat or worse, a spider, escapes my cerebral capacity. The range of phobias thus, unsurprisingly enough, encompasses the entire range from the logical poisons (Io-) to the rather obvious (Lilapsophobia for hurricanes and tornadoes) and the enigmatic (Apeiro- for 'Fear of infinity'). That a word should exist for Fear of beautiful women - Caligynephobia - leaves me flabbergasted!

While certain fears are imbibed in children for their own protection (like that for 'heights' and 'fire'), one usually outgrows these. Some, however, stay with you. I have admitted to this in the past and I feel rather unashamed when I say that the things I fear in this world includes the 'Dark' -Yes, so much, that I have dedicated this post to its awesome force. I would, in fact, go as far as to say that that it nearly tops the list of 'Things To Be Afraid Of'.

Sometimes, people look into my room at 3 a.m. in the morning and laugh at the fact that I have slept with my lights on, while ever so gently envying the fact that I can sleep amidst the brightest of lights and the loudest of sounds. Even I wonder, at times, how my laptop doesn't fall off the bed or at least succumb to a mighty blow rendered by my sleepy arm, but that's digressing from the topic.

While my sleeping is an involuntary action and I doze off while commenting on FB or reading an article on Soccernet, I have come to learn that people's general perception of Morpheus is quite different. While many stare for hours at their ceilings or even mull over the events of previous day or worse, plan their future; when I hit the bed, it's more like the bed hitting me. I sleep dreamless sleeps, which makes me feel I'm missing out on a rather important aspect of life. But when I sleep, I sleep. Then again, I hate staring at the ceiling in a perfectly pitch dark room... I know this sounds stupid, but who knows what might happen!

If there's something worse than the dark itself, it is closing your eyes in the dark! You know you cannot see anything with them open anyway, but you don't want them closed! It may be weird, but that's the way it is... It is comforting, however, to hear people admit that they fear Blackness in open places, at least. Go sit in an empty cinema hall when the lights are out and I'll see if you come out fifteen minutes later.

It all comes down to two lines, so beautifully penned by Steve Harris:

When the lights begin to change, I feel a little strange. A little anxious when it's dark...

I have a constant fear that something's always near. I have a phobia that someone's always there. Fear of the Dark!

Well, It's almost morning now. And I'm turning off the lights.