Tuesday, 11 September 2012
I turn twenty-three tomorrow. You hear that?! Twenty-three! If I was a footballer, I'd be considered mature by now, even old by some, as most of my vital parameters have stabilized - with the body refusing to get any better than it is now. But I'm not a footballer, except on my PC, and I've got none of those things to worry about. I'm still that starry-eyed kid I was when I turned twenty, with most dreams which I harbored back then still remaining unfulfilled.
Despite what I've promised myself time and again, I'm seeing myself metamorphose into that very creature which I once abhorred - a creature with many goals but with no determination to follow-up on them, with many ideas all of which soon turn boring, with a powerful desire to change the world but with no ability to do so. I'm an effervescent mass of unchannelized energy with a zero-attention span.
A few weeks ago, I convinced myself that quitting Facebook would be the end of my worries, but no. Even quitting the habit didn't change much - what if there is no Facebook? There are other things you can waste your time on! I have developed the insane need of having to check my phone every two and a half minutes and my email every half-hour. I stopped watching Cricket long ago because, let's face it, it goes on and on... but now, I cannot watch a game of Football without simultaneously staying online or chatting on WhatsApp or worse, both. Why, I can't even pen a decent blog-post without a meaningless soap running on the TV in front of me!
While work-life is whatever it promised to be - a high-pressure, hectic, interesting job with emails relentlessly attacking the inbox every fifteen minutes - I always knew it'd not be something which would be ultimately satisfying. And it remains that way. Sadly however, I always assumed that there'd be a magician out there, somewhere, who'd wave his wand and foretell my destiny. But no, I remain as lost as I used to be, with entrepreneurial ideas remaining a phantasmogoria and my trysts with writing inevitably ending in frustration.
Well, it is possible that I am not destined for such greatness and that I will become that normal-next-door uncle who spends his weeknights lounging in front of the Television watching kids falling into manholes on the evening News... yes, that uncle who tries to play Cricket on Sunday afternoons but fails miserably as he cannot bring the bat down nearly soon enough. But then, if I do become that guy, I cannot hope to be as happy as he is... because, as I hear, there is no cure for ambition.
I'm then left with one choice - to achieve. And it shouldn't be that difficult, right? Once I've set a few things straight, I mean. Changes in lifestyle are difficult only when you have a choice. When there is no choice, everything is easy - because you do or you die. That period of life where everything was in 'Take thou what course thou wilt' mode is now at an end. If I have to sleep at eleven and get up at half-past-five, so be it.
There's a whole world out there waiting to be taken. Life is calling and if I continue in the same vein, I figure that, in the great Didier's words, it'd be 'a f*cking disgrace'. Today, I shall make my peace with Football Manager and with late-night chats, tweets and Facebook. There is no need to stay awake until 1 AM wondering why news channels are as useless as they are and why the UPA isn't doing anything worthwhile. There is no point cribbing about the fact that a stupid thing some hot chick said got the attention of hundred and seventy-nine people, and then going on to like one of those things yourself. You're not going to meet anyone more interesting after 10 PM than you do during the day. So sleep, dammit! And wake up to the quiet sunshine... Live life the way it is supposed to be lived.
If there is a problem, don't crib about it - find a solution. If there is nothing you can come up with, shut up. That will be a beginning. Something tells me I will stumble upon something. Some day. Until then, I figure that I'm going to have to cut-off a number of materialistic bonds, get my head down and start working.
Most things we all do today are done to please people we don't really care about and to get their attention. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you're pleasing yourself in the process. But they'll gradually move away anyway, unless of course, you're of some use to them. Or if you're successful.
So, most of us will move away in the coming years, but the next time you remember me, I hope to God it'll be for the latter reason. I'm really done with this job of being useful to people... But today I promise you this - you will find the need to seek out where I am sometime in the future. Why, you ask me?
Because when I have arrived, you will know.