Saturday, 14 February 2009

Musings On V-Day: Charles Darwin Was Wrong!

Often have I wondered how a man on a mere five year voyage across the world's southern seas broke the closely guarded codes on which the world we live in is based and unlocked the mysteries of life, the universe and the future of mankind. A secret - woven eons ago by the Almighty's own fingers, staying cryptic for billions of years was unlocked, they say, by a man called Charles Darwin. So simple, was it really? A theory he put forward called 'Evolution' and how man came into existance and what he is to be - is what he "explained".

It's February fourteenth and SAD or Single Awareness Day - as put forth by another despo of this world (you see - the Earth will never be short of these people) called C - is here once again. And once again, I find myself staring stupidly at happy looking couples, wondering why fate is being unfair to me. Reflecting deeply on the subject and coming up with ways to avert future disaster, I stumble upon a number of facts; facts with undeniable evidence and a potential to revolutionize our lives and what we think about it. They all lead to the same conclusion - Charles Darwin was wrong.

On the backdrop of the Valentine's Day "celebrations" (and the bandhs), my inspired mind has come up with a brilliant case which could dismantle all the present scientific machinery. Do we need a new theory? I go on to put forward my arguments....

The rudimentary question: Why is a human being single? Single people recieve a number of queries, stupid as they may sound, regarding their status. One such strange question (which could only emanate from one who is well into the realms of stupidity and dumbness) was - "Why are you single? Not into girls, huh?" Stupefied as I was by the retarded question, I wondered whether being in a relationship always lead to imbecility and whether love reduced the size of your brain to a quantum dot. Why would a sane person not be "into" the opposite gender. It's quite obvious, I would think. But as the story goes, I began to wonder - What is the real reason behind one's celibacy? Though everyone say that they want to end the long dry spells in their lives, why don't they care to do anything about it? This list of questions went on and I realized that I had to note them down and take a shot at them, one at a time (1.5 yrs of engineering can do that to you).

The reason to staying single; is there any? I just read this G Talk status, apt for the occasion of 'V - Day' - 'If there was a definite way for love, then it would be a lot easier but a lot less magical' and it brings me to the point - You should be allowed to forget about the magical part! The world would be a much better, more satisfied and a lot less desperate place to live in if there were a sure shot method to aquire love - potions, enchantments, anything.... An algorithm for love is long overdue. (Sheldon Cooper, where are you?) Anyway, one major reason for 'singleness', I gather, is because of the difficulty in starting off. But there are other grounds, in fact plenty.

One such ground may be that inner feeling some possess suggesting that one hasn't really met their match and that when he/she comes, the skies would light up and the heavens would glow. Everyone has certain expectations regarding their match. I'm not being biased here nor am I being a chauvinist but it is time I take the standpoint of an average male (for a more accurate viewing of the situation). Every guy expects his lady to be beautiful, charming (they are different attributes, aren't they?), intelligent, fun to hang out with, **many more good adjectives go here**.... (Since everyone judges using similar parameters, an algorithm shouldn't be so difficult after all) But seldom do we find such an entity with all the aforementioned attributes. So a compromise is struck and a relationship results. But some people continue their quest for the quintessential partner and believe that 'compromise' and 'love' can't go together in the same paragraph, let alone a line!

Then why, I ask, don't we as humans improve. According to Charles Darwin, natural selection and evolution lead to better and better human beings. The should finally be  a point where a girl can be all of these - Highly intelligent, stunningly pretty, possessing a brilliant sense of humour etc. A more holistic approach would suggest that guys should be all the things which a girl expects. Clearly, neither of the above things are true and 'evolution' has found its first loophole. On the flipside, we find hardly any improvement in Homo Sapiens. So much so that the great constancy equation has been coined regarding the product of beauty and intelligence. A variation would state that product of 'Beauty', 'Brains' and 'Availability' remains constant! (This is probably applicable irrespective of age and sex)

So, is there really no scope for improvement?? According to Darwin, we, as a species, should long be gone as we cannot 'adapt'. Another postulate which has fallen. And finally, if our not finding a partner is due to some other reasons, whatever it may be, we should be able to reconcile to these facts which means people would be much more satisfied (read: lot less desperate) - this is adaptation as well, right?

And thus have I successfully destroyed a concept built on illogical assumptions and irrelevant observations. I now wait patiently until some international journal of repute publishes my theory. While I wait for my Nobel Prize, my mind wanders back to the fact that I am still single. Valentine's Day has almost completely passed. Maybe next year at this time, I won't be making a similar post. My fingers are crossed.

P.S. My thoughts have been echoed and reinforced by a similar mind going by the name 'Mister' and hence have gained certain amount of credibility.

P.P.S. Contrary to popular inference, I am definitely not desperate! I post merely in the interest of the world's greater good.