Wednesday 2 May 2012

Girl, why did you change so much?

The turn of the millennium saw me in standard five, as a gawky kid with over-sized spectacles matching an over-sized head. And as we all know, fifth grade is a turning point in any kid's life. I found it no different, as having returned to India after four long years, the system of making the boys and girls sit separately on opposite sides of the class was new and confounding. More disconcerting however, was the fact that talking to people of the opposite sex was no longer a punishment but a privilege. In fact, I vividly recall some fellows coming up with random excuses so that they could leave our table at lunch and spend a few minutes with the giggling girl by the window.

In science class, the teacher was talking about Entamoeba Histolytica when I found the guy seated next to me staring at the window - at least, that's what I thought at first. Doing a double take, I realized that he wasn't, in fact, looking at the big boys playing volleyball outside... He had somehow locked eyes with the girl in the front row, who was struggling to keep her head constantly turned at some eighty-seven degrees. "Snap out of it, man!" I said to him. To no avail.

Those were the days when hearts could be won with nothing more than a smile, or a soiled note which said "1-4-3" on it. Those were the days when you could poke a girl with a pencil or hit her with a box on one day, and have her fall in love with you the very next. 'Love' was a word which came so easily to our mouths. It was then a word which still carried meaning.

Fast forward - five years: The world was quite the same, except you couldn't hit girls any more without being branded a boor. 'Love affairs' didn't scandalize anyone anymore, but somehow whenever you wanted to talk to a girl really badly, you would be searching for all the right words. And then, they would never come out. Still, those were enjoyable times, made even more fantastic by the plans and strategies we used to come up with to win her heart!

Most plans failed, but some did succeed and V.G. Siddhartha ended up making a truck-load of cash. In fact, as the years ticked by, Cafes' earnings went up exponentially... as it was no longer socially acceptable to enjoy a Pepsi and a Vegetable Puff while standing outside 'Royal Bakery' with her. No. The grander the place you took her to, the happier she felt.

Enter college and there was still some semblance of normalcy in this world... In engineering school - and especially in IITs - girls come in really, really small numbers. But then again, humans are made in two sexes for a reason, I suppose. And so, even though society contrived to make it as difficult for us as possible, you always ended up finding that one perfect someone. Well, a whole lot of us acted upon the feeling, and a vast majority of us failed. And some people I know didn't even get started, as society by now had established so many rules, restrictions, ethics, morals and so many other things I don't even know the names of, that made even the approach an impossibility.

I found that people were no longer as 'easy' as they used to be before. They had changed - well not entirely, definitely not from within... But now, there was layer after layer of 'personality' shrouding what she really was. My god, it was difficult! But there was still music in the background and lights in the air when everything about you knew that she was the one for you.

And now, I have spent the last one year outside college, in strange cities, stranger bars and the strangest place of all, Facebook. This one year has destroyed the world as I knew it not so long ago. In March, last year, I remember deriding my neighbour when he said that 'love' is an act of the hormones and that there is no place called the Heart. Today, I'm ready to go back to him and apologize, for I wholeheartedly agree. Last year, I held so many notions which so many girls would have called 'romantic' and so many guys would have called 'gay'. I've shed all of them today.

The world is not the beautiful, life-affirming song we once knew, but a bitter dirge taking us a step closer to the end. We are afraid to say those three beautiful words because we know that commitment isn't something we can give to the person who means the most to us in the whole, wide world. Besides, it's not about love any more!

Watching the full yellow moon hide behind the Cumulus or taking a long stroll on the sands by the seashore mean nothing anymore. It's more about how much vodka you can load her with, or how you can smoke ganja together. It's about glitz and glamour these days - how high up in society's ladder are you? Let me tell you this - the girl, a few rungs lower, will most probably accept your proposal.

Tell me, if people really believed in romance and love, would they need you to buy them ten tequila shots before they go down with you? Or would it matter what power you wielded over people and how much money you had?

You know the world is coming to an end if you can't even get you heart properly broken.

34 comments:

  1. It can't get any better. I virtually walked through all those phases of my life while reading your post. And you already know that I totally agree with what you said in the last part of your post.
    Bravo!

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  2. Thanks, dude! Frustration and gloom bring out the best in Man.

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  3. I am not too sure but perhaps your trying a bit too hard to find 'that' girl. If I were you.. I'd stop trying and let her find me! And I am also sure that even the girls' would complain about guys not being comfortable speaking to them standing on the roadside cafe.. most guys now a days need to get into CCD to muster enough guts to say a few words!

    Anyway Cheer up, stop trying but keep yourself available!

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  4. How many fucking times have I referred you to (500) Days of Summer? The whole point of that movie, as I keep trying to tell you, too, is fucking get real. The whole metaphysical concept of The One is what is ruining lives, I tell you.

    Anyhoo, if you haven't seen the movie yet, or don't remember what I'm really referring to, watch this.

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  5. I agree with Dhawal. Stop trying.... the harder you look, the greater chances are that you listen to your mind than your heart.
    And that neighbor would sure have been Pinki...?
    Great blog by the way.... :)

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  6. Dhawal,

    Let me assure you guys one thing: I'm. not. trying. And that's what is pissing me off the most. Nobody seems worth it.

    I was so much better off being the guy in college with eyes as big as plates.

    Muruth,

    I have watched the movie. More than once. And I liked the movie; didn't love it. This post if not about The One... It's no longer about someone extra-special. It's now about finding someone decent.

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  7. Abhas,

    Thank you. And the neighbour was Pinky; not too difficult to guess, was it? And as I said already, I'm not trying. But hell, I want to!

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  8. You know the world is coming to an end if you can't even get you heart properly broken.

    Lol! I'm guessing you have found true love, and your entire post is basically pandering to the minds of the millions (okay tens) who haven't, and who'll read your blog to find some solace. :D

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  9. When you say nobody is worth trying... how exactly do you think did you find out?! You are trying to find someone worth trying.. get the drift...

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  11. Akila,

    Yeah, finding true love in Oilfields is a walk in the park, as you know. But it's comforting to know that I have found someone in your imagination at least.

    P.S. Something told me you'd be jobless enough to read this post :)

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  12. Dhawal,

    This is my answer to you:

    Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."

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  13. Brilliant post... made me feel how similar stories of most men are!! But you know what... the hope of finding the one is actually what makes life enjoyable!!

    And yeah I agree the most with... "You know the world is coming to an end if you can't even get you heart properly broken." Awesome line.

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  14. The whole point is, there is no 'The One'! Never was, never is, never will be.

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  15. Paul,

    Thanks, dude... But is this everyone's story? I think not. It's just a few of us who are unhappy with the path the world is taking for itself!

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  16. keep writing until u find "The One".
    Even after that cause Life is something bigger..

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  17. Dude ,amazing ! Just one thing .A girl ain't any good unless she's great .You know what I mean ;)

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  18. Swati (right?),

    I shall. Finding her is not nearly an end, is it?

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  19. Sharmaboleto,

    Merci :) I agree. But somehow, it seems like 'good' is the new 'great'.

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  20. Dei Ani,

    Its awesome reading your blogposts and this one is also awesome..

    Loved how you wrote the part where people have moved on from Royal Bakery to CCD..

    Also, Love Failure???

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  21. The times are such when the heartbreak songs refer to hooking up with someone.
    Sigh.
    I absolutely loved how you ended it.
    And as Paul Simon sung "To Emily. Whenever I may find her."

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  22. The times are such when the heartbreak songs refer to hooking up with someone.
    Sigh.
    I absolutely loved how you ended it.
    And as Paul Simon sung "To Emily. Whenever I may find her."

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  23. As you very well know, I'm not the right person to be giving advice on matters of the heart. So I'll skip any talk of 'The One' and just say "Well written !".

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  24. Krishnan,

    It feels nice to know that you have regular readers, da :) Thanks. As for Royal Bakery to CCD, adhalam flow-la vandhudhu...

    And dude, where there is no love, there can be no failure.

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  25. Malhotra,

    :) Danke. Simon and Garfunkel were geniuses. They probably understood what was happening to the world as well...

    Arnav,

    Thanks man! As for matters of the heart, everyone is an expert. And no one is.

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  26. Well..I had to comment on it...if I had my girl (non-existent) reading this post, I would have said I don't agree with you..but

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  27. Barney,

    Dude, I know so many girls who agree with this already. Each person is entitled to his or her own opinions... But it seems like I'm making sense to a lot of people.

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  28. Anirudh

    Your blog tells me that you are on the verge of unraveling a very complex phenomenon. It is very easy to get carried way with its complexity and to a good approximation most of the world around us is already swaying in this wave hoping to bank on on that exclusive island resort.
    Well written , and you are about to be liberated. Congratulations!

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  29. I remember in Class V, we had to be seated with students of the opposite sex. The reason was shocking. It was used as a system to make us talk less and hence maintain silence/discipline in the class. They assumed that if we sit with children of same gender, we would talk much more and hence cause disturbances but not if the opposite was implemented. What was more shocking, that it was true and well - founded. We did speak less, more out of embarrassment and less out of shyness.
    I also remember having a huge bad fight with a friend, to the point where I tore off his Blazer, only growing up to be his best friend. :)
    Unfortunately, this mentality does not wear off even in high school where just the fact that you are talking to anyone of the opposite sex would circulate ugly rumours about you having an affair with that person.
    When we grow older, we start to assemble around ourselves something that I like to call "layers", that are prejudiced and casted by the world outside us. When we are not small children anymore, we no more see the world from a small child's viewpoint where the axis of everything is just "feeling good". What is becoming more and more important to us when we begin to grow up is how we look like in the eyes of others, and what others may think about us. It is normal to start looking at the world and ourselves in a different way, as it is part of the growth - when we mature, we change.
    But maybe we change just a little too much. I don't know why that happens - maybe the world around us has changed and is now moulding our layers too radically. But, when we find that we are no more happy, we, no matter what the reason, should realize that the change indeed was too deep-seated. And we need to go back. We should look under those layers, and bring to facade that little child inside us, the one that was blissful, without worries. And then we should have a talk with the child within us and learn from it.
    The 1 - 4 - 3's, the tying of the Rakhis, the stolen glances, the pursed smiles, the going - weak - on - your - knees as the Head Boy passes you by on the Assembly Line, when that cute Math Teacher gives you a 25/25 on your Monday Test, the guy you have a crush on staring at you doing a class. :) Sigh.
    Yes, sometimes, we do change. Change is constant. But it dilutes so many feelings. I wonder why, as we grow up, we have to be more reserved about the fact that we like someone, why do we have to stalk their Facebook profile day and night rather than just going up to them and saying a hi, why do we have to shrug our feelings and just like their Profile Pictures?

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  30. Ankit,

    Thank you. But I'm not on the verge of unraveling anything, dude. If anything, everything has unraveled itself already. Society has reared its very ugly head, and it seems like there is no way back.

    Aparijita,

    Let me thank you first for taking the time to write such a wonderfully long comment. I agree with most of what you said. But shrugging our feelings and liking someone's profile picture is one thing; going out with someone you hardly care about just because he has the money and the power is something entirely different.

    No, we really shouldn't change so much. Society may judge us, but we're judging ourselves too, right? I sure hope so.

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  31. Umm...if there was "THE One" for everyone, don't you run a very very serious risk of getting your heart broken and never getting over it? Why is Being heart broken so glorified? It.Must.Suck.
    Maybe the choices are more conscious now,more cautious, more thought goes into them regarding the practical aspects of it working out rather than just making a dewy eyed decision, and it does not necessarily involve alcohol/money/power. I am not saying that the small things have lost their charm, but the want for luxury isn't bad...it often comes as an addition to what was romantic in a gone by era and not as a replacment of it, AND does not come from one side necessarily as you seem to suggest. :)
    Besides, all this comes up when you are grown up or atleast are supposed to be, school time crushes are as stupid as ever still, just a bit more err...let's say aware. I am shocked by the information my 10 year old niece already has!

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  32. Rule number two of Linnaean taxonomy states that the names of genera start in upper case, while those the species do not. Hence it would be Entamoeba histolytica, and not Entamoeba Histolytica.

    On a slightly unrelated note, I just realized why I've been single for almost my entire life.

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  33. Prachi,

    You sound like you've eaten from a tub of ice-cream yourself! Well, I agree there is pain in a break-up, but it scars you even more when you don't even find pain in it!

    Small things haven't really lost their charm, and I'm not trying to insinuate that. I'm just saying that they've taken a mute back-seat while we are guided by power, money and other things which are really poor foundations to base a relationship upon!

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  34. Dela,

    Lol, trust you to come up with that correction man :D I'm very glad that you're still alive and reading. You should start blogging again though - CtrlAltDela doesn't deserve to die.

    As for the unrelated note, thank you da... A great compliment, that is.

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