Interview Do's and Interview Don't's

It was sometime during the first week of this month, when I committed the second mistake of the sem, which incidentally also becomes the third mistake concerning my academic life; the first two being this and ITC. In the latter case, of course, I did not apply for the internship. After a lot of heartburn and having lost faith in all humanity, this disgruntled chap decided that never again would he miss an employment opportunity! And hence put himself in collision course with what could have been.

I know I'm not making too much sense yet, but when I tell you that I applied for 'M/s. Infosys' plainly because I wanted to make sure I didn't miss out on any more just because I didn't try (read into this line all you want), things surely become a lot more meaningful. The day after I pressed 'send', I was asked why I would do something outright dumb. Being the smartalec, I so often become, I quipped, "Even though I would NEVER do a coding intern, I don't buy the concept of letting opportunities pass. I'll screw up the pre-interview examination anyway! Don't you worry..."

It's not surprising then that 'today', as you will soon gather, came as a shock. I reach the Placement Office promptly at 6, to be told that there was no exam! 'A shortlist will directly be put up.'

For the benefit of the layman reader, let me lay down the placement ground-rules:

(1) Once you apply for a company, you can, under no circumstance, at no stage, withdraw the application without being debarred from placements henceforth. (A certain CS girl could tell you more.)

(2) Once you are selected for an intern, you cannot apply to any more companies.

(3) If anything can go wrong, it will.

At 6:15, a list of 15 names was displayed on the projector screen. I was among those. Cursing, I asked in vain how I could opt out. And then even more hopefully, I asked as to what an honest, hardworking Chemical Engineer can do in a great company like Infy. Again, gibberish.

NC Nigam saw me enter at 6:45 p.m., without a resume, dressed half like a dork and pretty much overwrought. I was hoping that sighting a bum like me devoid of even the dire necessity - a resume, I'd be booted out. Alas, they said the interview was to be telephonic.

Amidst all this chaos, there was one man who spiced this up even further - my HOD. In a frantic call to the great man, I heard him say the words, "Infosys doesn't give you 'in-plant training'. So, you cannot apply there! Strictly prohibited ! I won't let you do it..."

Those kind words revolutionized all future cerebration as now, not only did I have to give the interview (so as to not be debarred), I also had to flunk it! To cut a long story short, this is how it went:

The voice: Hello.

I: Hi, sir. A very good evening to you.

The voice: Good evening, Mr. Anirudh. Why don't we start off with you telling me something about yourself.

I: (Some bit of my history goes here...)

The voice: Oh good... You have mentioned 'Fluid Dynamics' as an area of interest here. Let's start with that. Suppose I told you to design a Room Heater, how would you do it?

I: I'd ask for the room size, ambient temperature, the requisite temperature... (This is when I realize I'm doing well)

I'm sorry, sir. I don't think I can tell you any more.

The voice: Why? You are doing really well... Go on.

I: I'm afraid that's all I know, sir.

The voice: Well... Don't worry. We'll go on to other topics.

What do you think is a continuous fluid?

I: Sir, the equation of continuity is...

The voice: No. Continuous fluid.

I: I don't know.

The voice (now a slight drag): Hmmm... Simple question now. What's the difference between 'Thermodynamics' and 'Fluid Dynamics'?

I: Why, sir! I always thought them to be very similar. There are subtle differences, but essentially same!

The voice (taken aback): Let's leave your Engineering skills alone now, Mr. Anirudh. Mental ability, now.

I: Sure, sir.

The voice: (Asks some question which required me to calculate the minimum time which four people require to cross a bridge, subject to certain conditions)

I: (After allowing considerable time for calculations, doodling all the while) Nineteen minutes!

The voice: Are you sure this is the answer?

I: No, I am not, sir. These are what my calculations tell me.

The voice: Well, what if I tell you this is incorrect?

I: Then, I'd have to tell you that I'm incapable of coming up with the right answer.

The voice: Don't get disheartened now... I'll give you a hint. (Proceeds to do so) Now?

I: (Taking some time again) Interesting... Informative, though your hint was, sir, I'm afraid it helps me in no way! I don't exactly comprehend its relevance.

The voice: It was great talking to you, Mr. Anirudh.

I: My pleasure, sir. Have a good evening!

That's that! And God is great!